back to the islands

the silent retreat at Wat Suan Mokkh is hard.  it felt physically and mentally as challenging as climbing Kilimanjaro.  like all things that are hard i am glad that i have done it and more happy that i am done with it.  the staff and participants are incredibly kind and i am honored to have this insight into the Buddhist and Thai cultures.

i get a ride out to the main road and find one other guy who has also left this morning. we get a sawngthaew to Surat Thani and he helps me navigate the travel agent to arrange a bus and ferry out to Koh Phangnan, an island in the Gulf of Thailand.

every time i use the travel agent in Thailand i end up with somthing different that what they tell me.  in this case they tell me the ferry is 11:30AM and it turns out the ferry is 2PM.   i ask information at the ferry terminal if they have wifi and they say no.  i ask a second time and they say no.  i turn on my computer and find free wifi so i spend two hours catching up on mail and news.

when i get to Koh Phangnan i run the guantlet of taxi drivers on the pier and check at the ticket office to find out times for ferries leaving the island then head over to Coconut Beach where i find good accomodations.  here's the view from my room.

air conditioning, internet, shower and a toilet.  i feel so spoilt.  i crash hard and enjoy sleeping on something other than a bamboo mat.  while i have been out of contact i find the arrangements i made for Willie Dawg while i am gone have not worked out and he's been taken to my mother's house.  my mom has not been supportive of this trip from the begining and i fear she will use this as a way to get me back to the US before i am ready to return.  just thinking about it brings up anxiety that i have to meditate away as i know if that happens i will be filled with resentment that will hard to get past.

day six

i wake up on the concrete bed at 4am and go for morning meditation and then yoga.  it is impossible to describe how incredible it is to start yoga in the dark and watch the sky lighten and then sun rise over the water.  it is a magical time that i have enjoyed every day.

today is the day i leave and my step is mindful but light as i head back to the dorm to finish packing.  it is already hot so i douse myself with water one last time.  leaving before the 10 days is over doesn't feel like i have failed or left something unfinished, instead it feels like i have gotten what i came here for it is the right time for me to go.  as i finish packing i look down and there is a dead mosquito on my arm.

the english monk

day 5. i still want to leave. i talk to the retreat director and he says check out is after yoga each day so i can leave tomorrow morning if i choose. i know developing a disciplined practice of meditation and yoga will anchor me in the future so i try to focus and remain present. i talk to Sarah briefly and she writes me a wonderful note encouraging me to stay. it feels like the prison door has been opened and now it's up to be to decide if i shall stay or i shall go.

there is another monk who comes by to talk at us once a day. he is British so he's called the English Monk. i like his talks because not only can i understand him but he has the British attitude about things that makes me laugh. because he is a westerner living in Thailand he provides an immense amount of insight between the two different cultures.

ducha

day 4 and i'm still here although i want to leave everyday.  the yoga is wonderful but like everything here it feels forced to me.  the nun is the one who leads yoga and i have really come to like her.


the focus every day is ducha [suffering] which i can't even start to explain here.  you can find the description somewhere here http://www.suanmokkh.org/. 


the food although vegetarian is good but because of the nauseousness i haven't been eating much.  i visit the cook and pantomime my systems of sickness.  she gives me the same herbs that everyone gets for everything Fah-Ta-Lai-Chon and a glass of what looks like dirty dishwater with some dirt in it.  surprisingly i feel a lot better and for the first day i really enjoy the day despite the ducha and heat.

the old monk

day 1 through day 3 are just a blur.  it feels like 95 degrees with 100% humidity.  my head is pounding.  i can't tolerate the sunlight.  i'm nauseous.  i can barely stand or sit up because i'm so dizzy.  at first i think it's because my body is detoxing from caffeine and sugar but it continues and i get into my vicodin. after a few days i learn to cool down my body as much as possible by stripping down to a sarong the minute i hit the dorm and pouring water from head to foot.  this pond is for washing and bathing. 

each day i think i will focus and do my best but it is impossible to concentrate with the pounding heat.  i learn to tell which days will be hottest because on those days the staff carry umbrellas.  the heat is however a tradeoff for the snakes and mosquitoes.  it's the dry season before the rains here and so that means few mosquitoes and a much lower chance that a cobra will be seeking the dry space that is your 'room'.  during the orientation the only time i am encouraged to contact the staff is in the event there is a snake in my room.  the added visual of a plastic cobra really isn't needed for my overly active imagination.

the abbot of Wat Suan Mohkk comes by a couple of times a day.  we call him the old monk and he's really old and treated like a rock star and beloved by everyone around him.  he comes by once to meditate and once for a dhamma talk where he explains the foundation of Buddhism.  the problem is that his english is so thickly accented we can't follow what he's saying.  usually this hour is spent sitting in the heat blankly staring at him so the fears my mother had about 'indoctrination' are unrealized and i learn very little about Buddism.

who am i kidding?  every hour is spent sitting in meditation posture staring blankly and trying to focus on breathing pretending it isn't 100 degrees out except when i am back in the dorm on a break pouring water all over my body.  anyway soon we start to cringe when we see the old monk coming.

silence

i am sleeping on a bamboo mat on a concrete bed with a wooden pillow under a mosquito net at a Buddhist monastery.  i've been asked to give up everything for 10 days and just be.  some of what i agree to for the next ten days includes ...only two vegetarian meals, silence, 4am - 9pm schedule, harm no living creature [this includes the mosquitoes and ants], bathing with a sarong, no lascivious thoughts or actions. everyone is both excited and nervous. day one starts tomorrow.

  

04.00  ***	Wake up                 *** = Monastery bell
04.30	Morning Reading
04.45	Sitting meditation
05.15	Yoga / Exercise - Mindfulness in motion
07.00  ***	Dhamma talk & Sitting meditation
08.00	Breakfast & Chores
10.00  ***	Dhamma talk
11.00	Walking or standing meditation
11.45  ***	Sitting meditation
12.30	Lunch & chores
14.30  ***	Meditation instruction & Sitting meditation
15.30	Walking or standing meditation
16.15  ***	Sitting meditation
17.00  ***	Chanting & Loving Kindness meditation
18.00	Tea & hot springs
19.30  ***	Sitting meditation
20.00	Group walking meditation
20.30  ***	Sitting meditation
21.00  ***	Bedtime (the gates will be closed at 21.15)
21.30  ***	LIGHTS OUT

Wat Suan Mohk Monastery

moving from Langkawi to Surat Thani for the monastery is an all day journey across  Thailand.  i add more stamps to my passport but don't add a new country because i have been to Thailand before.  although the long days of buses and ferries are my least favorite, i have a chance to sit and talk with people along the way.  on the ferry in the morning i meet a Canadian.

she'd been on a survival adventure. one of 10 people dropped off on an undeveloped island in Thailand for a month with only what they could put into a 5 liter [1.1 gallon] dry sack. it all sounded pretty crazy.

next i meet Nicole whose destination of the day is also Surat Thani.  she's Swiss and has been in India for 5 months.  we navigate the bus system together and stay at the same hotel for the night.  tomorrow i go to Wat Suan Mohkk Monastery for a 10 day silent meditation retreat.

red shirt, yellow shirt

if you travel overland into Thailand they will only provide you with a valid 15 day entry. if you fly into Bangkok they give you a 30 day entry. since i'm going in overland i pay for a 60 day visa which they only issue from the consulate in Penang. go figure. wandering around Georgetown i hit the historic sites. this crossroad of colonialism, Chinese and Malay culture is the picture i had of Malaysia in my head. i turn the corner and amidst the chaos is a little french bakery! bless them because i really was missing bread. most of the fresh bread here is naan which is delicious but different.

as i was handing over my passport for the daily visa run an Australian guy runs up to the desk to cancel his bus ticket to Thailand. his intelligence sources in the Red Shirt movement are advising the thai army is mobilizing for a large scale military action to be taken against them that night. it's quite the topic as this is a big stopover for travelers going into Thailand. of course, nothing the Australian says turns out to be accurate.

determined to find some vegetarian Assam Laski [fish based soup with noodles and vegetables] i ask Paul from the Old Penang and he gives me very specific instructions which i follow. i stood on the outside looking in for a few minutes. knowing this was my last night here - i have my visa and ticket to Langkawi already - i'm trying to get up the guts to go in. there isn't another white skin in the joint. i step inside and an old woman, probably 85 to 90, asks a bunch of stuff and i respond "assam laksi". she smiles and says how many bowls. jackpot! it was some good stuff.

feeling cocky because i've successfully navigated my way to find the assam laski, i swagger back to the Old Penang Guesthouse. there are tons of shops along the way and since i'm headed back to the islands i decide to pick up a sarong. the woman asks for $6US and i know i'm getting ripped off when i pay $4US but i can't bring myself to bargain her down from there.

miss wago

i wake up and rush to find the bus to the bus terminal.  i give up and take a taxi.  the bus terminal which is a tent is filled with touts who just descend on anybody walking in but they leave me alone as soon as i purchase a ticket.  it's five hours from KL to Cameron Highlands and i get to see more of Malaysia.  it is truly a beautiful country and the last hour before we stop in Tanah Rata the bus climbs a steep winding road through the mountains and for the last bit there are tea plantations everywhere.

i check in and later one of the staff approaches me and asks how to pronounce my name "Vagabond Cowgirl". i just nod when he says wago. every morning, afternoon and evening i hear 'hello miss wago'.

it is cooler in the highlands so it is a good break from the rest of Malaysia. it's jungle trekking time again and i go exploring with a group of people we find a Raffelsia flower which is one of the largest flower species in the world.

we check out the tea plantation and tour the grounds ad factory. i'm no tea connoisseur so it all tastes the same to me but it's cool to see where it comes from. there are a bunch of strawberry farms around and so we eat fresh strawberries the whole stay. it's a saturday night so there's a market and i eat my way from one end to the other.

i meet an Iranian girl here and we spend hours talking about human rights, family, politics, religion and freedoms. we are bonded in a way because we both come from countries that the rest of the world loves to hate.

google did what?

on the 24h of april i wake up and check my mail and i have emails from several people saying my blog is down. it took two weeks and i never got an explanation why but they gave it back to me. usually something like this would really piss me off but i just spent a week at a monastery practicing meditation so i don't get angry anymore. patience my friends and i will get caught up on my postings.  how do you back up a blog in case this happens again?